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Today is Halloween, and so I have compiled a list of all the potential candy kids might receive while Trick-or-Treating (or “Trunk-or-Treating” if you’re into super lame stuff). The very best candy this Hellborne holiday has to offer is at the top of the list, while the garbage sits at the bottom, where it belongs….
Continue ReadingWhy Women No Like Grug? Posted on Day of Cloud that Look Like Fish by Grug Hi. Sorry Grug not post in so long, but Grug having bit of rough patch. Me tell you about it now. Alright, so, other day, Grug chatting with Crokella, trying talk Crokella into doing boom-boom, right? So Grug…
Continue ReadingNAME OF PERSON IN ROOM TYPE OF TRAGIC INCIDENT UNUSUAL PLACE FOR A BRAIN TO BE LOCATED UNFORGETTABLE SHADE OF RED VISCOUS LIQUID FOUND IN A HUMAN BEING NAME OF DEITY TO BE FORSAKEN FORSAKING EXCLAMATION BLUDGEONING OBJECT NUMBER OF HOURS UNSETTLING PLACE IN WHICH TO WAKE UP SALTY LIQUID EXCRETED FROM EYE DUCTS IN…
Continue ReadingBirth Johnny Guglielmo, you’ll never kill me you dirty motherf… What the? Where’d he go? And why am I all slimy? And who’s that broad on the bed with her legs all spread out—oh god, I ain’t gettin’ that outta my head anytime soon. Alright doc, sponge me off already. And get me a glass…
Continue Reading“Professor Jabbers”: Yale accidentally gives full tenure to an orangutan to teach advanced chemistry. He turns out to be an excellent teacher and the movie ends up with him being appointed Dean. Amy Adams plays love interest. A hat that makes everyone think you’re cool but constantly feeds personal insults and criticisms into your brain….
Continue ReadingNow, you’re probably thinking Frank Speed was the weirdest criminal we ever faced. Pal, you ain’t heard nothin’. Let me tell you a story about Joe Standup. Joe was actually the first criminal I ever faced. I was a rookie then, just like you are now, runnin’ around, doin’ grunt work, basically being a worthless…
Continue ReadingCommander Liberty, the leader of the Hero Coalition, eyed the two superheroes across the table and they stared back at him. They were in the Hall of Conscientious Dealings, or, as it was known to the data entry company sharing the same office building, the fifth-floor conference room. In front of Liberty was a clipboard…
Continue ReadingAs usual, I woke up with my arm lovingly wrapped around my wife, but after a moment I noticed that my wife was much larger this morning – as in, she was now the size of a double-decker bus – and it soon became clear that my arm wasn’t an arm, but a wing. At…
Continue ReadingThe Karate Kid: An unpopular boy, tired of getting picked on, continues to get picked on. The Matrix: A dissatisfied corporate drone is offered the chance to find out the truth of reality, which he declines. Toy Story: A cowboy doll is worried about being replaced by a space toy, and realizes misery…
Continue ReadingEllie McLanahan was watering her flower bed one morning when she heard her neighbor Tim Donnelly’s front door open. She watched the chubby car salesman from under her wide-brimmed straw hat as he exited his home, walked to the end of his yard, cupped his hands to his mouth, and yelled “Satan!” with the full…
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