None of my books have been submitted to publishers. This will change in the upcoming weeks.
- “Goodbye Cruel World.” Comedy/Science Fiction. This novel follows two separate story arcs, which overlap as the book progresses. Half of it regards Hankh Keszler, an idiot slacker who, through a series of NASA management failures, becomes the pilot of Earth’s first faster-than-light spaceship. Having wandered around cosmos for six years and amassed a slew of extraterrestrial companions and enemies (mostly enemies), he tries to make his way back home… he just needs to get directions first. The journey is slow-going, what with Hankh’s spiteful alien crew, his troubles with the law, his constant encounters with space pirates, and his maxed-out credit card with an interest rate that’s just “infinity.” But when he hears rumors about another possible human wandering around the universe, Hankh decides tracking them down is his best bet. The other half of the book surrounds the inhabitants of Earth. Maxine Heliotta, head of the U.S. government department of space debris removal, is forced to sit idly by after an employee is devoured alive by a mysterious space blob. Meanwhile, worst-president-ever Alven Dremmis is screwing things up by trying to turn the blob situation into an opportunity to salvage his pitiful legacy. As the world’s governments try – and fail – to eradicate the sudden menace, Maxine’s growing feelings of anger and helplessness force her into action. Meanwhile, a nutty religion called the Church of the Apocalypse, founded twenty years prior by a science fiction writer and the world’s richest string tycoon at the behest of a mind-controlling alien eyeball, is about to make everything a whole hell of a lot worse.
- “Goodbye Cruel World 2 (title pending)” – My current work-in-progress, the sequel to Goodbye Cruel World (obviously). As of 6/25/18, I am about 90,000 words into it.
- “Tales of Vexation and Lose: The John Vexer Stories.” Comedy/Spy. This is a collection of short stories that can [mostly] be read out of order, but which combine into an overarching plot. The idea was to write each chapter like an episode of a TV show, while the book as a whole represents a complete season. The stories follow protagonist John Vexer, “the worst spy in the business,” as he attempts a series of delicate missions he is in no way suited for. With the help of Klein – “the worst cop in the business” – and Thumbs-Up Man – “the second-worst superhero ever,” a distinction that had to be made ever since Cream of Wheat Man came to town – he battles such villainy as the Yakuza, mad scientists, supervillains, rival spies, furries, adult babies, cultists, alcoholism, his own stupidity, and a killer robot who moonlights as a stand-up comedian.
- “I Know You Are, But What Am I?” Comedy/Spy. The sequel to “Tales of Vexation and Lose,” this was actually my first finished novel, completed ten years ago.
A very incomplete list of shorter pieces that have been featured in various journals.
- “To the Straunzinililielius 922-V University Admissions Board” The Big Jewel (2016)
- “Shut Up About Cthulhu” The Short Humour Site (2016)
- “4 Police Reports from the Legend of Zelda” Dorkly (2011)
- “The Monkey’s Hand” The Short Humour Site (2011) Included in a printed anthology for some ineffable reason
- “The Suicidal Tendencies of Edgar J. Lamont” The Big Jewel (2011)
- “Doomed from the Start: The WAPTIAW Campaign” Defenestration Magazine (2011)