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Why Women No Like Grug? Posted on Day of Cloud that Look Like Fish by Grug Hi. Sorry Grug not post in so long, but Grug having bit of rough patch. Me tell you about it now. Alright, so, other day, Grug chatting with Crokella, trying talk Crokella into doing boom-boom, right? So Grug…
Continue Reading1. Komodo dragons are not actually dragons 2. They do not breathe fire 3. They do not fly 4. There is no record of a Komodo dragon slaying a knight or guarding a mountain of treasure or doing anything cool 5. They’re just shitty fat lizards 6. They don’t even have wings. Seriously, did any…
Continue ReadingNAME OF PERSON IN ROOM TYPE OF TRAGIC INCIDENT UNUSUAL PLACE FOR A BRAIN TO BE LOCATED UNFORGETTABLE SHADE OF RED VISCOUS LIQUID FOUND IN A HUMAN BEING NAME OF DEITY TO BE FORSAKEN FORSAKING EXCLAMATION BLUDGEONING OBJECT NUMBER OF HOURS UNSETTLING PLACE IN WHICH TO WAKE UP SALTY LIQUID EXCRETED FROM EYE DUCTS IN…
Continue ReadingBirth Johnny Guglielmo, you’ll never kill me you dirty motherf… What the? Where’d he go? And why am I all slimy? And who’s that broad on the bed with her legs all spread out—oh god, I ain’t gettin’ that outta my head anytime soon. Alright doc, sponge me off already. And get me a glass…
Continue Reading“Professor Jabbers”: Yale accidentally gives full tenure to an orangutan to teach advanced chemistry. He turns out to be an excellent teacher and the movie ends up with him being appointed Dean. Amy Adams plays love interest. A hat that makes everyone think you’re cool but constantly feeds personal insults and criticisms into your brain….
Continue Reading911: 911, what is your emergency? Caller: Oh God oh God oh God Oh God 911: Sir? Caller: Oh God oh God Oh God 911: Sir, please calm down and tell me your emergency. Caller: Oh God my girlfriend is choking on a cape. 911: Can you repeat that? Caller: My girlfriend. She’s choking on a…
Continue ReadingNow, you’re probably thinking Frank Speed was the weirdest criminal we ever faced. Pal, you ain’t heard nothin’. Let me tell you a story about Joe Standup. Joe was actually the first criminal I ever faced. I was a rookie then, just like you are now, runnin’ around, doin’ grunt work, basically being a worthless…
Continue ReadingCommander Liberty, the leader of the Hero Coalition, eyed the two superheroes across the table and they stared back at him. They were in the Hall of Conscientious Dealings, or, as it was known to the data entry company sharing the same office building, the fifth-floor conference room. In front of Liberty was a clipboard…
Continue ReadingAs usual, I woke up with my arm lovingly wrapped around my wife, but after a moment I noticed that my wife was much larger this morning – as in, she was now the size of a double-decker bus – and it soon became clear that my arm wasn’t an arm, but a wing. At…
Continue ReadingListen to me, Weird: this ends here. It’s over. Not just the boozing, all of it. Over these past few decades I’ve seen you deteriorate from the lyrical supergenius who wrote “Lasagna” and “Couch Potato” to a boozing, violent, drug-addled hedonist with no concern for whose lives he’s wrecking. Yeah, go ahead and play dumb….
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