“Professor Jabbers”: Yale accidentally gives full tenure to an orangutan to teach advanced chemistry. He turns out to be an excellent teacher and the movie ends up with him being appointed Dean. Amy Adams plays love interest.

A hat that makes everyone think you’re cool but constantly feeds personal insults and criticisms into your brain.

“The Man Who Square-Danced Through Time”

A secretly genius college janitor has thought up solutions to most of Earth’s problems, but nobody takes him seriously because he ends every sentence with “Now time to take the Pleasure Express to My Dick Junction”

Genie gets bored, starts posting memes on the internet, everything he posts comes to life. Earth is overrun by caveman sponges and unicycling frogs. Social commentary. Amy Adams plays love interest.

A man who can travel through time in a peculiar way: by generating energy through the means of kicking a man named Jeff Larson in the butt repeatedly. Larson’s butt, it is explained, is of a rare molecular structure that can distort the time-space continuum when agitated. Turns out the guy can’t actually travel through time, he just really hates his neighbor Jeff Larson.

“Eat My Shorts”: Series of short films of obese men eating various dishes, with Morgan Freeman narrating what is going on in each man’s mind as he eats.

“Die-a-Beaties”: A diabetic ex-CIA agent is on the run from his own government after he threatens to reveal a shocking discovery to the American public. Diabetes hardly features into the film but it must be made clear the protagonist has it so the title makes sense

“Stilted”: A society where one’s social status is determined by the height of his stilts. People who walk on the highest stilts are at the top of the chain. The real selling point here is the sex scene between the two main characters that features choreography that would put Cirque De Soleil to infinite shame.

“Things We Didn’t Know”: A heartbreaking tale of a family torn asunder by the events of 9/11, and the complications of trying to move on from the tragedy. Each character is a separate leg on the same blue-ringed octopus.

A bow-legged jester, a robot pimp, a desk full of coleslaw, and Amy Adams. Plot is obvious.

A documentary showcasing the lesser-known story of Benjamin Franklin’s invention of crotchless panties

The biographical story of Mark Mussler, the original construction worker from the Village People, who was a secretly straight CIA agent planted by the government to unearth a plot to spread Gay across the country.

“Keys”: 86-minute long horror story of a man looking for his car keys after locking milk and other dairy items in his hot car. Try to get it down to an R rating if possible.

“Life is Shell.” Short film. An atheist turtle whose shell keeps getting visited by Mormons. He pretends not to be home but the Mormons know better.

“Up and Adams”: All the men for whom Amy Adams has played a love interest in movies confront her at the same time for stepping out on them. The actress is not let in on the premise, and the film records her real-life confusion for ninety-six minutes.

“Help! My Toaster Won’t Stop Quoting Nietzsche”