The Karate Kid: An unpopular boy, tired of getting picked on, continues to get picked on.
 
The Matrix: A dissatisfied corporate drone is offered the chance to find out the truth of reality, which he declines.
 
Toy Story: A cowboy doll is worried about being replaced by a space toy, and realizes misery is inevitable.
 
Fantasia: A man tries LSD.
 
Fantasia 2000: A man tries LSD again. It isn’t as good as the first time.
 
Star Wars: A young man is reunited with his father. The reunion is awkward, and neither attempts further contact.
 
Back to the Future: A teen finds himself the temporary owner of a time-traveling Delorean. He goes back to when he was happy, before life became the worthless charade it is.
 
Sherlock Holmes: A detective tries to solve the crime of the century, but, nope.
 
American Pie: While his classmates are at prom, a high school senior has sex with a pie.
 
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: A high school boy tries to fake being sick so he can take the day off. It doesn’t work. He graduates, single, with a GPA of 2.5 and no prospects for the future.
 
Psycho: A man stays at a hotel whose owner is a deranged serial killer. The man leaves early and gives the hotel two stars on Tripadvisor.
 
The Shawshank Redemption: After being imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit, a man obtains a Rita Hayworth poster, which he looks at to pass the time until his sentence is up.
 
Casablanca: A man tries to purchase illegal letters of transit from a bar owner so he and his wife can escape a German-controlled city in World War II. The bar owner steals his wife and sells him out. The man is imprisoned. He obtains a Rita Hayworth poster, which he looks at to pass the time until his sentence is up.
 
Titanic: A young man, whose parents bought him a ticket to ride the world’s most luxurious ocean liner, panics when the ship begins to sink. He runs around the vessel hysterically until an ingenious idea hits him, and he dresses up like a woman in order to get on one of the lifeboats. He makes it out alive.
 
The Forty-Year Old Virgin: A thirty-nine-year-old virgin turns forty.