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As usual, I woke up with my arm lovingly wrapped around my wife, but after a moment I noticed that my wife was much larger this morning – as in, she was now the size of a double-decker bus – and it soon became clear that my arm wasn’t an arm, but a wing. At…
Continue ReadingListen to me, Weird: this ends here. It’s over. Not just the boozing, all of it. Over these past few decades I’ve seen you deteriorate from the lyrical supergenius who wrote “Lasagna” and “Couch Potato” to a boozing, violent, drug-addled hedonist with no concern for whose lives he’s wrecking. Yeah, go ahead and play dumb….
Continue ReadingThe Karate Kid: An unpopular boy, tired of getting picked on, continues to get picked on. The Matrix: A dissatisfied corporate drone is offered the chance to find out the truth of reality, which he declines. Toy Story: A cowboy doll is worried about being replaced by a space toy, and realizes misery…
Continue ReadingEllie McLanahan was watering her flower bed one morning when she heard her neighbor Tim Donnelly’s front door open. She watched the chubby car salesman from under her wide-brimmed straw hat as he exited his home, walked to the end of his yard, cupped his hands to his mouth, and yelled “Satan!” with the full…
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