One day a unicorn was on his smoke break when he said to his leprechaun colleague, “Why am I called a unicorn?”

The leprechaun took a puff from his cigarette. “I’m sorry?”

“Why am I called a unicorn?”

“Is this a joke?”

“No.”

The leprechaun regarded his friend skeptically. “Well… it’s obvious, isn’t it? ‘Uni’ means ‘one.’ And you have one, uh …”

“What? One corn? Why am I not called a unihorn?”

“Huh. I never thought about that. Maybe whoever named you was going for irony?”

“What’s ironic about having a horn and calling it a corn? That’s idiotic.”

“I’m just throwing stuff out there. I didn’t name you.”

“Come to think of it,” said the unicorn, “why are you called a ‘leprechaun’? Where did that word come from? Are you a leper?”

The leprechaun looked at his arms. “Dear God I hope not.” He looked up and said, “Do you think I’m a leper?”

“Don’t ask me. I’m having my own identity crisis here.”

Examining his skin for rot, the leprechaun said, “We could always look it up online.”

The unicorn held up one leg. “Hooves. Can’t type.”

“How are you holding a cigarette, then?”

“Don’t worry about it. Why don’t you look it up?”

“I can’t leave my pot of gold. Someone might steal it.” He gave the big iron container a swift kick.

The unicorn frowned. “I still think, if you’re so worried about getting robbed, you shouldn’t keep your entire life savings at the end of a rainbow. Put it in a bank, man.”

“Oh yeah, I’ll just keep it where the feds can slip their sticky fingers into it whenever they want. That’s so much better.”

“I’m not having this argument again.” The unicorn tossed his cigarette butt on the ground and stamped it with a hoof. “I’ve gotta get back to work.“ He paused.“ But hey, call me ‘Unihorn’ from now on, alright? None of this ‘corn’ shit.”

“Okay. And you can call me Rick.”

“Why?”

“Because I always wanted to be called Rick.”

“Er, okay. See you at five, Rick.”

So Rick and the Unihorn went back to their day jobs, which involved pretending not to be real, posing for Lisa Frank pictures, and filling out spreadsheets. They called each other by their new names for a couple of weeks, but eventually it all started to feel forced and so they dropped them.