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Oh, look, I’ve turned blue. Why did you have to go and turn me blue? Didn’t I just say “You won’t like me when I’m sad”? Oh, forget it. It’s not worth it. Nothing is. You thought I was the Incredible Hulk. No, I know you did. Everyone hopes I’m the Hulk, and then they…
Continue ReadingIn 2013, archaeologists from the University of North Texas on a dig in Câmpani, Bihor, Romania discovered the shattered remains of several sheets of limestone that appeared to have been cut using primitive hand tools between 32,000 and 35,000 B.C. Each slab was covered with hundreds of symbols, which have been attributed to a small…
Continue ReadingOne day a unicorn was on his smoke break when he said to his leprechaun colleague, “Why am I called a unicorn?” The leprechaun took a puff from his cigarette. “I’m sorry?” “Why am I called a unicorn?” “Is this a joke?” “No.” The leprechaun regarded his friend skeptically. “Well… it’s obvious, isn’t it? ‘Uni’…
Continue ReadingWhen I was still a rookie on the force, there was a guy called Frank Speed. I don’t know if that was his real name. Somehow I doubt it. Anyway, Frank was one of the city’s Big Three bank robbers, and we could never, ever catch him in a chase. Not that he was fast,…
Continue ReadingI’m all about saving money. I’ll wait to buy a video game for years after its release date, I treat buying a car like interrogating a spy, and my kids’ college funds are just scraps of paper with the word “BUCKS” scribbled on them in off-brand crayon. (Some people think congealed pig liver oil doesn’t…
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